Thursday, November 17, 2005
The Right Place at the Wrong Time.
I thought this day would be like any other thursday. I would go to school, attend my first class (800-930), have brunch then go to my Spanish class. Had i known that this day would be the day that i would want to reply over and over again, i wouldve changed the way i looked, the way i did my hair, the way i said hi to the people i meet, the way i even walked. But i didnt so hell..
This morning i had coffee with chex..i havent been with her in a loooong time so we thought that going for coffee would be a good thing before we headed back to our busy schedules. We talked about our lives, what we missed and what was about to happen tomorrow (but she did most of the talking) TABIAN KA KAAYO FRANCESCA! After my rendevouz with my bezzi, i headed straight to the classroom and when i got there, they were talking about the HP4 movie that they saw the night before. GRR. I haven't seen it yet since im gonna watch it tomorrow with cheska. Yes Dana, KRUM is HOT..i agree with you..Julie agrees with you too.
Speaking of Julie, when she arrived, she imediately told me that she and dom had a fight the night before (and this time it was a serious one..serious because they almost always get into petty fights..but this one aint no petty fight.)anyway, she also told me that she wasnt going to attend our SPANONE since she wanted to surprise dom and meet up with him in Southville. SOuthville is not anywhere near La Salle. Its in SUCAT. near Las Pinas even. I was shocked. seriously. But i wasnt as shocked as when she asked me to go with her. I was, like, HELLO? youre gonna talk to your boyfriend and you want ME to go with you??? are you insane? i dont want to be the friggin third wheel again. But she assured me that i wont be. So while we were eating after our first class, i was contemplating on whether or not i should go. But evidently, she got me into going which i am glad that she made me go...:P
We got to Southville around 12pm hoping that he was already there. NOT. we had to wait for what seemed like ages before he arrived. Dom had no idea that julie was gonna be there so Mike (Lor's boyfriend and Julie's kabarkada) texted him saying that he needed to go to shell since there was gonna be a something going on. But mike also told him that he needed to go alone. Dom thinking that Mike could be in danger, called his other friends for support. BIG MISTAKE! When dom finally arrived, thats when he realized his big mistake. He didnt notice us first but when he did, he knew what was up. Hell. it was soooo funny! julie and i kept on laughing the entire time..
There was one guy in particular that caught my eye. He was one of dom's supposed supporters. I guess he was one of dom's closest friends. I wont tell you who he is but if u ask me in person, id tell you. i didnt notice him at first since we still had tears in our eyes from laughing. when some of the guys left, the only people left with us were him and dom. That was when i got to thinking that this dude is something else. at first we werent talking to each other since i guess he was kinda shy and felt awkward and there really was nothing else to talk about. But once we started talking, everything fell into place. I learned that he was a gentleman to begin with. He had manners!!! Not that men nowadays dont. Its just that he really was different. When he had to go somewhere, he'd say excuse me and you wont see that in some guys. He'd talk to us..not only to Julie...but to me too! he seemed really interested to get to know us and i was glad, at least i knew that if julie were to be left alone with dom's friends, i know that she would be ok. I cant describe him. He's what ive wanted all my life. He's cute, he's nice and friendly (and not maangas), He's fun to be with, he's super kalog (he rides with all our pang-asar kay dom) he has a car, he can play ball really well, he has a killer smile and i can sense that he's a really great catch. Well, he sounds too good to be true right? IT is actually. i thought that there would be a catch somewhere. ANd sorry to say, there is. He has a girlfriend. Just when i thought ive found my perfect boy, i find out that he's taken. SOOOO SAD! at least he's happy right? I was at the right place at the wrong time.
In a way, im glad that all this happened today even though it didnt turn out the way julie and i would have wanted it. We learned a lot. I learned that i cannot have all things that i want in life. God is in control of my life and not me so therefore i cannot force anything to happen. I also learned that there are still good fishes left in the sea. i just have to have the patience for it. Thanks julz for bringing me along in another adventure.
um....can i just say that i am terribly hooked on this guy. terribly. i cant stop smiling. im hooked!!! WAAAH!
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dreamed.at .|. 6:04:00 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
From Jowlie's LiveJOurnal...
it hurts like hell to feel alone and not wanted by the person you love..
it hurts like hell to be stuck in your own fantasy not knowing whether to move forward or just stay put.
It hurts like hell to feel rejected by the one you love the most... help is what you're screaming for.
It hurts like hell to feel that HE has forgotten all the sweet memories you've shared together, but there you are... reminiscing.
It hurts like hell to be yourself, because you simply can't fake that you're not happy. HE knows you TOO WELL.
It hurts like hell to scream his name, cursing him for his mistakes... but you know deep inside you want to be with him.
It hurts like hell to show the world your smiles and tell them that you can live without him, but there you are suffering.
It hurts like hell to love, because in the first place your world is too complicated for him to hold tight, complicated - that's what you are.. we are.
It hurts like hell to cry yourself to sleep, because even in your dreams, he hunts you... and you just wanna dream forever.
I wish time would rewind ... but it's not meant to be. Things happen, though we have no answers why... but there it is, hurting your every move, every thought... because you are simply INLOVE with him.
It hurts like hell to deny it, so don't. =(
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dreamed.at .|. 2:12:00 PM
Saturday, November 12, 2005
He: So now you know. I'm sorry... but you see, I also love her.
YOU: What?! How could you! What about me? What about us? That's unfair!
HE: I still love you too.
YOU: But that's not possible! You can't keep both of us. You have tochoose between her and me.
HE: No, please don't make me choose. I can't ! I love both of you. Ihave too much love for just one woman.
Hold it! Let's cut this melodrama before this man succeeds in convincingyou that he really loves both you and this other woman. Okay, so heclaims he has too much love for just one woman. But wait, does the word"love" mean the same thing to him as it means to you? For most women,telling a man "I love you" is like making a lifelong monogamouscommitment. But is it the same thing with your man? Is this the kind oflove that he is talking about?
According to American psychiatrist Frank Pittman, a man who claims hehas too much love for just one woman does not really love two women, orany woman at all."
HE is sexually attracted to many women and want them to take care ofhim.
HE defines his lust or needy feelings as 'love'. But he is notactively loving anyone," Pittman explains.According to Pittman, this man only uses the word "love" to hide hisreal motive--- which is sex. It is his way of making his desire soundrespectable somehow.
HE thinks women would buy it as a valid excuse forhis infidelity.So what's wrong with him then? It's nothing chemical, astrological, ordue to an errant shot from Cupid's bow. Above all, it is not a problemin the relationship that he is trying to solve. Nor does he have toomuch capacity for love.
Pittman explains: "He has an immature, narcissistic fear of loving awoman. The crowded bed is his effort to escape the engulfing comfort orthe engulfing intensity of a real, equal, and intimate relationship witha real partner.
HE feels shame and inadequacy and fears being both fullymarried and fully known."Some men indeed fear being trapped in a marriage--- sharing a life witha female partner who sees his flaws and giving up his dream of romanticadventures with more than one woman. These men are like children whofear facing the realities of life. They are not strong enough to give uptheir women because they want their dreams of romance to go on.
So let's make this clear: Is it possible for a man to love two women atthe same time and with the same intensity??? Definetly not. The attention he gives his other woman is the same attention he deprives you of. The time and energy he lavishes on the other woman are time and energy you could have gotten instead. It's a zero-sum game.
So if he decides to love two women, the "love" he'll be giving can only be incomplete.And here's another point: The fact that he tried to fool you is proof enough that he does notreally love you. For how could one hurt someone he truly loves??? Men and Women have to be clear when they use such a potentiallymisleading word as "love."
Remember that love is not simply an emotion but something one does, aset of observable and predictable actions. If a guy really means it when he says "I Love You" it will show in theway he acts toward you. But isn't a philanderer bothered by his actions?? you might ask. He seems to be enjoying his games. On the surface, maybe. But is hereally happy? I remember a scene from a movie where the mother told her womanizer something like this:
"The playboys and playgirls of this world are the loneliestcreatures I have ever known. In spite all the love and attention theyget, they feel this certain emptiness in their hearts, which can only befilled by truly loving one man or woman. And they don't know how to."
Indeed,no man can serve two masters; and no man can truly love two women
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dreamed.at .|. 9:53:00 PM
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
solid to.
im done with the paper...finally! thank God! after a long time of stressing over this paper, i finally have the time to breathe! *whew*anyways, now i have to study for the Written Exam..grr...i just found out that the paper i was doing was only 10% of the grade that i was gonna get and that the recitations that weve been having plays a huuuuge role in our grade. If i had known that earlier, i wouldve recited more and not become lax about it...grrr...
This week on Kitoy's life:
10. Napabili si Kitz ng tsinelas kasi sa sobrang katangahan niya, nakalimutan niyang magdala ng tsinelas para sa pagkatapos ng ORIENT2.
9. Bochog nanaman po ako--napabili ako ng fish crackers, broas at cornick sa school para kainin sa bahay for only 100 pesos.
8. IPOLECO midterm results.
7. mag-1 week nang wala si dady..miss ko na siya..:(
6. si kresta, bagay talaga maging business woman.
5. masaya na ulit si julz tska si sam...masaya narin ako :P
4. no mom for a week!!
3. Chicken Steak, Salad and soup for only 66 pesos.
2.Julie sa KFC: Waitress: Ma'am ano pong dressing ng SALAD niyo? Julie: Gravy.
1. EURHIST HELL WEEK FOR EVERYONE! (i didnt have to take the orals--THANK GOD!)
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dreamed.at .|. 5:06:00 PM
Sunday, November 06, 2005
haha. life is good, thats all i can say. ive asked for a lot of things in my life and more often than not, hindi ko siya nakukuha. ok lang naman sakin kasi feel ko kaya hindi ko siya nakukuha kasi hindi ko naman talga siya kailangan. tama ba?
like love. ive been in and out of love since i was eight and only ONCE in my life did i feel a certain kind of love for someone that i thought would go far off as marriage. yup, love was not new to me. And in that sense, i got so used to that kind of feeling that i am conditioned to think that whatever "love" comes my way it would soon pass and that the next one would be better than the former. Ive almost always prayed to God on New Year to give me someone to love and looking back, i think that God hasn't really answered my prayer. Well, its not that im not worth loving its just that God knows me too well. He knows that im not ready for a relationship.
But come to think of it, when was i ready? That time in third year when i met "THE ONE"? How did that end again? almost a year of endless crying sessions? a friendship that ended? Gee, if that is being ready, i dunno what being OC is in a relationship..do you??!
enough blabber. all i can say is that, ive loved with all my heart. Gotten stung too many a time. Picked myself up after each and every fall and do i wish to NOT EVER LOVE AGAIN??? of course not.
i believe that there is someone out there for me. i might have met him already, then again i might not. Whoever he is, he's there. somewhere. Thinking about the exact same thing im thinking right now. Thinking about me too.
Ahh. C'est la vie!!
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dreamed.at .|. 8:53:00 PM