Monday, November 22, 2004
this is for my friend JULIE...another one of my hidden treasures...
No, I won't be asking anybody if I should or I shouldn't let go. Everytime I made up my mind, I just eventually change it after a few weeks. Others will find my story sad. Others, amazing. And still for some, an impossible situation. Odd, crazy, desperate. . .losing.
I will no longer tell the story. All I am going to say at the moment is that we are okay again. For how long, I do not know. Since may, we have been having weekly fights. Every week, I have given up. Every week, I have promised myself that this is the last time. Turned out it's not. I finally revealed to him a plan that I had hoped will put an end to all this craziness and roller coaster ride. He heard me. Loud and Clear. But it was not to be the end. I told him, I don't want to see him nor talk to him. I told him, I want to isolate myself from him and everything that would remind me of him. I told him I do not know for how long but that I am sure, I had enough of pain and bad memories that I simply want to stop.
A lot of my friends praised me for what I did. With a sigh, they believed that I was finally awake after so many years. But you see, it lasted only for a week. A crisis hit. And I just couldn't forgive myself for having done such a thing just exactly when that crisis hit. But he heard me, loud and clear.
Whatever was stronger, the force that is keeping us together or keeping us apart, I will never know. Nor will I ever understand why we are always at each other's neck when in the end, it's always us that stick together when the cruelty of life had made us victims again.
I simply want to share for these are in my thoughts.
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dreamed.at .|. 8:59:00 PM